Monday, August 11, 2008

My heart beats with anticipation,

I'm going to write this in the first person, despite the fact that the first person scares me.

It all came together for me this morning. I have been in an odd place this summer. I couldn't really get a grip on myself long enough to enjoy things. Not that this summer hasn't been fun, I have just felt very different. I had one of those, I'm sure this is significant feelings all summer long. That tends to be a heavy burden to carry. You can't anticipate everyday being significant without triple checking everything. So it got tiring and annoying and I decided that I was going to ignore it and live my summer despite omnipresent significance.

But I discovered the significance as I was getting dressed this morning. I am, it cannot be ignored, at the end of a stage in my life.


This is the end of my before. My very distinct and drawn out before. But this summer a lot of changes have been made. I am comfortable with things about myself this summer that it has taken me twenty years to learn. I have come to terms with things that have happened to me and that I am who God has made me.

And that is the end of my before. I have no question that in one month's time when I get on a plane I will be able to say that I am staring my after in the face.

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