To be taped upon my wall, in time

Everything has its season
Everything has its time
Show me a reason and I'll soon show you a rhyme
Cats fit on the windowsill
Children fit in the snow
Why do I feel I don't fit in anywhere I go?

Every man has his daydreams
Every man has his goal
People like the way dreams have
Of sticking to the soul
Thunderclouds have their lightning
Nightingales have their song
And don't you see I want my life to be
Something more than long....

So many men seem destined
To settle for something small
But I won't rest until I know I'll have it all
So don't ask where I'm going
Just listen when I'm gone
And far away you'll hear me singing
Softly to the dawn

Rivers belong where they can ramble
Eagles belong where they can fly
I've got to be where my spirit can run free
Got to find my corner of the sky

An acquired taste,

Last night I enjoyed ultimate frisbee. Generally, ultimate frisbee is one of those games which makes me want to curl up into a fetal position and get everyone to stop yelling about how I just can't catch it. It's like basketball. I cannot play basketball without allowing the fear of being shouted at hinder my ability to actually MOVE.

This, as all things do, says something about the quality of the people I spend my time with.

Intercultural Competencies

Professor- "I want you to write down right now, to you, what is 'Home'?"

wii2pretty (9:19:48 AM): Home is my bed.
Chocltkiss1988 (9:20:33 AM): I'm sure he wants us to say something like home is the place we eperience the least amount of culture shock
wii2pretty (9:20:50 AM): Good, you're so SMART.

wii2pretty (9:21:05 AM): You're an expert on intercultural competencies.

Chocltkiss1988 (9:21:12 AM): So can I leave then?
Chocltkiss1988 (9:21:34 AM): The place where my food is

Chocltkiss1988 (9:22:15 AM): Do you know what my most useful skill is

Chocltkiss1988 (9:22:27 AM): My ability to type without looking at the keyboard

Chocltkiss1988 (9:22:40 AM): Because I can make it look like I'm taking notes

Chocltkiss1988 (9:22:53 AM): When really I'm typiing to you

wii2pretty (9:23:05 AM): Wow, it is an useful skill.

wii2pretty (9:23:34 AM): But you realize that he would still think you're taking notes even if you were looking at your keyboard

wii2pretty (9:23:44 AM): Because you would be typing them
wii2pretty (9:24:36 AM): You know, unless he's stupid, he knows we're writing to each other

Added later:
wii2pretty (9:34:30 AM): That's my favorite blog you've ever written.

Only at this point, I believe,

Every moment I live now happens to be bittersweet. I love where I am, and I love who I am with.

I don't know that I have ever felt this way before. I can already see myself holding this memory like a photograph. Looking back through the haze of memory to see my bare feet against the stone steps of the chapel. I can feel the sun on my face. I can look out at my friends playing frisbee on the quad and remember, while at the same time knowing, that Life is beautiful.

This is only temporary. I know that, I have to force myself to know that. I am living in this beautiful state of euphoria on borrowed time. We literally only have a few weeks. Next semester I will miss out on this because one semester I will be gone and the next semester many of my friends will be gone. I am already antcipating the way my life will rearranging, and the way I will grasp onto the strings of other friendships until they seem natural. This feeling of utter comfort, at spending each day with the same people you have spent your days with for two years will be gone.

I think this is what it comes down to- Right now we are all a bunch of twenty-somethings, gathered together in one place, willing to believe and convince each other that our lives are going to be the wonderful dreams we always imagined them to be.

On Faithfulness and Time,

I'm just like any other church kid in the fact that my late childhood and adolescent years were spotted with camp sessions and youth group nights. Many times, I believe, I gave my life to Christ just to make sure I did it right. If all of my friends were going to heaven than you could bet my life I would be hopping on that train as well.

Slowly, through high school, the decision I had initially made for social reasons became something a lot more than that. But this is not going to be about why I love my God, this is going to be an entry about how that love has changed.

I've been troubled in the past few months about why I seem to have lost that mountaintop aspect of my faith. It feels like I've traded in the joy for the doubt. Even in moments where I think I can just glimpse God on the horizon of my life, there is a voice in me thats screaming, "Why are you even doing this? How much longer are you going to make a fool of yourself! Open your eyes, stand up, and GO HOME!"

This is not something that is easy for me to admit because how can I truly be worshipping when I hold so much back, when I have so many reservations? No one talks about this, so it is inevitable that a young Christian girl would start to feel ashamed of it.

So I began to start seeking proof of my faith, of course. Whenever this voice got a little too loud I would beat it back with ideas like - "Well what about all those people who have had experiences like spiritual dreams?" or things like "All of these people must have a better reason to believe than I do, they must have seen something I am unaware of." or the worst "Well if God doesn't exist, how are all those priests casting out demons?"

But eventually these all fall through because humans, as well as human experiences, are unreliable and not something to base a lifestyle on. All of our senses can be tricked. We are not flawless. Someone can imagine they hear the ice cream truck, believe me it is not a stretch to believe they imagined the voice of God.

The only real proof I have of my faith is something that I have only now learned. I can believe because of time.

My God is great in his faithfullness. I may have been doubting the whole way, but I can now look back down the road from where I am and realize that my God has never left me. My life has not been the easy life I once believed it would be. But two facts remain-

It has never been too much for me to handle.


I have always had enough to get by. In all things, physically and emotionally.

This is a big realization for me. I may not have any proof of my God's existance on this side of glory. But so far, I have no reason to doubt my God, he has not let me down. Also, if I had to wager I guess, I don't think he is going to.

Its kind of funny, isn't it,

It seems it's a very human characteristic to bare ourselves.

We admit things. We have emotional displays in front of others. We embarass ourselves. We all partake in activities that will bond us. These our like fishing lines being sent out with the desperate hope of catching onto something and anchoring us. Surely, if these connections are made then everything can be a bit more real.

I can believe in God because 'they' told me about their feelings.

However, this still presents a stumbling block. In spite of all my human experiences.

No one actually knows anything about who I am.

I don't actually know anything about who I am. Who I am appears to be just a jumble of the pieces of the world I have seen. The sounds I have heard. The foods I have tasted. How am I supposed to explain everything to someone else?

So I, and we all, make short cuts. We compile the person we are into a few short facts - I like vinyl's and I do not like scrambled eggs.

I am feeling disconnected and at the same time, I have no idea what I am feeling.