By next year, it will be five years since I have celebrated Halloween in a way which feels "real" to me. I will wear a costume which I will consider classic and I will walk on the carpet of leaves on my sidewalk. I will hold my brothers hand and I will buy candy two weeks in advance so I can get the good stuff. I will split and divide my spoils that night with boys and girls alike not really noticing which gender we are, because that's how it is when we're home. It never really matters.
Its somewhat reminiscent of fourth grade, before things started mattering and life got complicated. I like that I have people this is preserved with.
In my neighborhood everyone trick or treats and we see two to three hundred kids each year. Adults stand on their lawns all day long and spook and scare and then light candles in their window and reunite with their families.
When I was in third grade I dressed up as a cow girl. Hannah was a power ranger and we each had our own rooms. I laid in bed that night and thought about how likely it would be that a werewolf would eat me. Those fears were easier than the ones I have now.
I love Halloween.
I miss Halloween.
I wish I was home this time.
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