The Lessons of Houghton College,

We here at our humble institution tend to keep our hands off of other people's things. It's true.

When I was still in high school, an older cousin who had already graduated Houghton described it in this way- "If you left your bag open on a table, someone would probably put twenty dollars in it."

Now I don't think that’s necessarily true, but we are extraordinarily trustworthy with, well, not stealing things. Earlier this year I left my Ipod on the steps of the dorm and it was handed into the welcome desk. People are getting mugged in central park for their Ipods. Houghton is a funny place.

However, I have learned that our honesty and uprightness extends only so far. There are two things we are very likely to steal here in Houghton College, and I would like to address them now.

1. FOOD
Last year I returned from break with three of my favorite foods in the entire world. A loaf of Italian bread. A delicious marinated eggplant salad from the Italian deli by my house. The last thing? One ripe delicious mango. Because I was walking through the supermarket by my house, I had just read something about mangos on another blog. I wanted that mango, so I bought that mango.
I was, tragically, lured into a false sense of security in my freshman year. Freshman year is a strange time where you don't even realize you’re wandering around in a haze of confusion. I had gotten back to school kind of late, and left a bunch of my things lying about, some in the kitchen, anticipating that I would put them away in the morning.
This was where it all starts to go downhill. Yes, that’s right. The next morning, I found my eggplant salad and my Italian bread. The mango? Gone.
To the person who stole my mango- I have spent all year trying to understand you. Did you think you wanted my mango more than me? Did you think you deserved it more than me? Did you even know it was my mango?

2. LAUNDRY
Yes, laundry.
Let me take you back to another day in my freshmen year. It’s late. I spent a bit too much time last year awake in the wee hours of the morning. I put my laundry in the dryer, and as my eyelids began to droop I thought, "What kind of self-respecting person would actually steal someone's laundry? It's surely safe for another few hours!"
I went to bed.
The next day, after I was showered? I went down to the laundry room to empty the dryer. I didn't notice that anything was wrong at the time. Why not? Because like any other college student I only realize I need to do laundry when one thing happens. When I run out of underwear. It's not even worth denying.
What happened four days later? I ran out of underwear.
Yes. Someone had stolen out of a dryer TEN pairs of underwear. TEN. Someone dug through my laundry in the middle of the night and specifically decided to steal my underwear. Someone is walking around my school wearing my underwear.
So many questions could be asked, but the most important is WHY. Why are you so disgusting you filthy rotten thief!