Then she decided to stop dwelling on whether or not his feet knew they had almost touched hers under the table.

It's just one of those simple sad facts of life. That you can study the angles of bodies that people who adore each other will frequent, and yet nothing can ever be known for sure.

Especially not things concerned the emotions "like" and "dislike". Because we as people are too fickle to understand what we want, and too idealistic to see ourselves as fickle.

Plus there is the fact that you will almost always be the exception to any rule you decide to subscribe to.

Thought - this here record of mine has been in existence now for about a year. More or less.
More or less I'm dealing with the same crap now as I was then.
Primarily because I hold onto things. I don't give up on hopeless situations.
I am still, tragically, a "fixer".
I cannot walk away from a problem if I feel that I can do something to change it.

But there is so little growth in that. Lately a friend of mine has called me a sunflower because I pause on the path between buildings and stare as close to the sun as I can. Because its warm and bright which are two adjectives no one would use to describe western New York in the winter.

I need to start letting go. I need to start accepting the things I cannot change, but mostly I need to understand that the fact that some things don't change doesn't mean I did something wrong. It just means that's the way its supposed to be.

I need to starts accepting and then taking a breath and staring into the sun.