In which I discuss why Jeanine isn't answering her phone,

I have called Jeanine four times. The last time was at 9:31 PM and that is all my phone will tell me. I started calling at around 7:30. Four times I have called her in the last two hours and she has not been there.

Well, I suppose that's incorrect. She has to be there because I'm getting a busy signal. While I'm on the topic of the busy signal I might as well state that I believe it is the third most unfriendly sound in the world. I think the second most unfriendly is that particular alarm clock siren which actually reaches into your dreams and forcibly pulls you out of sleep. You feel that wail all the way to your collarbone. It's painful.

What's the first most unfriendly sound? Oh, the sound of a door closing, but only when it’s down the hall from your room, and only when you know it’s because your music has gotten too loud.

Anyway, FOUR times I have called Jeanine and FOUR times I have heard a busy signal. The last time I just opened it on the bed next to me and pressed the call button twice hoping to stifle the disappointment when I heard it. But it didn't work.

Right now I need to talk to Jeanine because my uterus is screaming FEED ME SEYMOUR, FEED ME NOW and whenever this happens I start to have serious doubts. Jeanine happens to be one of the few who can maneuver the pathways in my brain and make me feel Ok again.

These horrible appetite ruining doubts always make me ask three sets of questions - Is where I am right now really where I am meant to be or have I strayed so far from the realm of normal decisions that I have actually started thinking I am on track? Is the system of belief I have thus far dedicated my life to really true or what if it is all one big fat lie told to me by the government? And last, but never ever least, why can I not stop the bottomless pit that is my stomach and lose some weight?

Of course, I know Jeanine doesn't actually have any of the answers to these questions. Its just I've let my head get into too big a mess and I have lost them and for God's sake where did I put them! I know I had them last week but I must have dropped them behind the anxiety over what job I'm going to have this summer.

Jeanine just knows the pattern of the clutter in my head and I'm able to have a few of those OH RIGHT moments with her cool logic to lead me.

However, in order for this to happen she needs to answer her phone. I know one of her children is probably on the phone but can she not FEEL my anxiety.

Honestly.