On the house I grew up in

Last year when I came home from break my mother had cleared an entire closet the room I shared with my sisters. Their clothes had been compacted and their shoes were places in areas undiscovered so that for the short week I was home I would feel comfortable.

Last year when I came home the house would be cleaned and the candles all lit. There would be no evidence of the family I was a part of unless I tried to find it. All of Ross's toys were placed in his room instead of on the floor.

Last year when I came home dinners were made with me in mind. My mother found some untapped energy so she could peal all of the potatoes and slice all of the onions.

Now when I come home, my parents have already gone to bed. If I sneak into my brothers room he'll hold one hand out to me, but with the other, he'll hold a finger to his lips. He's only three but he has already learned that in our house you must be quiet at night.

Now my bed has been moved to the basement because my sisters have expanded their possession in our old room. On that bed I may find a sheet but rarely a pillow case. Slowly my things are finding their way into boxes and spaces that aren't needed. It is a mysterious migration to the basement that I cannot keep track of.

Last year, my family, and my house, was still aware of the space left over when I went to college. Now, it is becoming more and more apparent that my family is stretching its legs and enjoying the room it has found in our small house.

All this makes me think that I am quickly approaching the day when I won't come back here. When I will have another house. A house where I will fill all the empty spaces on my own. In some ways, this is a day I wait eagerly for. It will mean I can finally count on finding my own laundry where I left it. Where possessions will not be moved from the place I set it down.

Living with three siblings in a small house is not an enjoyably experience. But it is an experience that has shaped me.

I used to think I would cling to my childhood and be too afraid to leave home. Now it seems that my house is forcing me to leave.